Recovering from an eating disorder is like entering a maze,
With twists and turns and so many ways.
You start by taking the path of low self esteem,
You feel stuck, you feel trapped and caught between-
Wanting to change but not knowing how,
So why even try I might as well give up now.
They tell you to be patient, that the journey is long,
That there’s obstacles and quagmires but you need to stay strong.
Yet they don’t know what it’s like to be on a tight rein,
To live as a pawn in his menacing game.
They start preaching this bullshit to live and let go,
If they knew what I was going through they wouldn’t say so.
As the path continues, the resistance overpowers,
And while they babble on about recovery for hours and hours –
You’re not paying attention to them, you’re listening to him,
‘Ignore what they are saying, don’t let them in’.
Why are they ‘pretending that its not about food-
The hypocrisy is maddening, its so unbelievably rude.’
‘Obviously they restrict and want to be thin, don’t let them brainwash you don’t let them win.’
As the path leads to another, this next one you take,
Is of self -destruction and many mistakes.
You isolate others, you torture your soul,
Because he warned don’t succumb, so you do as your told.
But this part of the maze serves no purpose you need to get out,
You’re claustrophobic you’re frightened but you’re too paralysed to shout.
‘Why even try’ he whispers ‘you’ll obviously fail’
So you continue down this desolate and gloomy trail.
You come to another with brambles and thorns,
Cold and deceiving he continues to warn.
This time however you’ve had enough,
You need to be free of these deadly hand- cuffs
In that swift moment you take a chance,
You snap out of his spell, and away from his trance.
You follow the sign that leads to the light,
You have nothing to lose, its in your sight.
Their voices get louder as they praise your steps,
No looking back now no regrets.
This next path is the hardest, because now you’re aware,
Of his tricks and mind games and evil stare,
How he distorts your reflection and creates a smoke screen,
Alters your reality so its not as it seems.
But you still want to latch on with just a bit of your strength,
Fear wants him to remain just at arms length.
Without him who are you? Who is at your core?
Without him you don’t know, you’re not really sure.
But never the less, you continue to push on ahead,
And swap the path of self loathing to self- discovery instead.
Their words of wisdom begin to sink in and resonate-
You’re worthy, you’re loved, you’re not full of hate.
You deserve to be happy, to spread your wings and fly,
Leave him behind now its time to say goodbye.
You can see the sun shining bright in the sky,
You want more than anything to be able to try.
So you look down at your body and hug it tight,
You tell it you’ll protect it, and treat it right.
You speak to your wellness warrior deep within,
You whisper we got this, we know we can win.
Enthusiastic, you set forth on the road to restoration,
An adventure of freedom and separation,
It’s all about the journey and not the destination.